A Misunderstanding of Intent
by Loves-Chihuahuas
Summary: Light is over-thinking things a bit when considering L's interactions with him... One-shot, crack.


_**A Misunderstanding**_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note, nor do I own a grape popsicle. D: Nor do I own a cherry flavored popsicle, which I am fine with(tastes like penicillin).

_**A Misunderstanding**_

_Subtitle: Overthinking it a Bit_

Boredom. Such an unoriginal way to describe his current situation, but that was the first word that came to Light Yagami's mind when analyzing his not-unfamiliar feeling one Saturday evening. Yes, he was quite jaded- and L was the one who jaded him..,,Good Lord, his ennui was so strong that he had regressed to using an Aerosmith metaphor about himself. How… juvenile. Moving beyond the degradation of his mind, Light was also experiencing another familiar emotion as of late; annoyance. The self-same man who had, ahem, jaded Light, had also become the object of constant annoyance.

L, the insomniac attached to Light for the past three weeks, was not actually all that annoying as a person, contrary to the popular belief of the other taskforce members. Though the man hardly slept, and as consequence neither did Light, had a ridiculous anorexic-panda appearance, indulged in peculiar eating and sitting habits, and had a fixation with his mouth and toes, Light was not bothered by his personality. Besides the whole 'you're a killer' thing, that is. No, Light accepted L in all his weird glory.

What really annoyed him was the way L treated him. For starters, he looked at him far too much. Sure, Light mused as he sat next to the very man of his annoyance, of course, being a suspect, L would have to watch him quite closely. But not this closely. L did not have to watch him while in a room full of people and cameras. L did not have to watch him eat. L did not have to watch him floss—he did not keep a weapon of mass destruction in his molars, thank you very much. And it was not only the fact that L watched him almost constantly, but the _way _the detective watched him. It was like he was gawking, staring indecently…perverted, in a sense. The way those deadened eyes traveled him up and down made him feel insecure, like he needed more clothing on. And the man always attempted to look him deeply in the eyes. Always. It was all much too personal and creepy for the teen's liking, genius or not.

Ofcourse, Light thought as he leaned back in his computer chair, there was also the constant offerings; food, tea, sweets. Little things, like presenting candy to a child or a treat to a pet. Candy from a man in a windowless van. An unspoken trade hidden in the sugar. Light never accepted, even when the lemon meringue pie dangling from the shining fork looked oh-so-tantalizing—L was not a man to give things freely. Something might be expected in return, and Light now knew better than to partake in these hidden trades; his freedom for a chain, cake for… who knows what. Call him paranoid, dirty-minded, whatever you like, but Light did not like the way L treated him.

But, there was one big hole in this theory, and one which Light was fervently grateful was there. L, in Light's mind, was not, had never been, and would never be a sexual being. No, the shadowed man, some seven years older than himself, sitting like a monkey next to him was not interested in those things, he had no hormones at all, it was just oil in his veins! There was nothing under the detective's denim jeans at all, Light swore solemnly to himself, and the semi-pedophilic way he acted was a side-effect of having little social interaction with others besides hairy FBI agents all his life. L was not to have those kinds of thoughts and feelings. Period. Ever. Double period. So there. Hmph.

Then why did he feel distinctly afraid as L turned to stare openly at him? Light ducked his head and murmured something about being tired, having no idea what the detective had just said to him.

'_He has no hormones, he has no hormones,' _Light reminded himself internally, though, watching as L 's eyes did the familiar route up and down his frame, his doubts remained, as they always did. L gave Light a slight smile, making Light's heart race in fear.

Reaching to his other side, L brought a plate of angle food cake into view. Light's eyes widened, knowing what was about to happen. L took his fork delicately between his fingers and beckoned Light forward. Not wanting to, but not wanting to have the chain tugged painfully when he refused, Light rolled his chair closer to L's. L sank his fork into the soft treat, extricating a chunk of the moist, fluffy white substance. Light rather did like angle food cake; it wasn't very sugary, but just sweet enough. Light hefted the forkful of delicious cake in front of Light's face, and Light realized, in a commanding fashion, not asking. This, evidently, was not a choice this time.

"Cake will help Light-kun stay awake." L stated monotonously, pressing the cake against Light's firmly closed mouth. Light eyed the cake fearfully, as if it were the perverted one.

"Open." L commanded, and Light, petrified and confused, threw caution to the winds and opened his mouth. L immediately deposited the cake in the other's mouth, and Light instinctively brought his lips down over the fork to scrape off the fluffy sweet onto his tongue as L withdrew it.

Light chewed and swallowed. L smiled and offered him plate of cake. Light accepted it, unable to take back the trade, as he saw it. Light sat back in his chair and ate his cake slowly, nervously wondering what L wanted in return. He swallowed the last bite and deposited his plate on the tray positioned close to them for L's convenience.

'Did you enjoy it?" L's voice broke through, startling Light. Light kept his head down and nodded—he couldn't face the man now, not that he had fouled up, crossed some line and fell into a trap set up by the wily detective. He felt something touch his sleeve softly, and Light jumped slightly, looking up wildly at L before hiding his expression again.

L's face seemed to morph into some expression not seen before on his pale face by Light, but before he had time to analyze it the detective had replaced his emotionless mask. "Are you thirsty?" he asked the teen.

Light swallowed nervously, yes he was very thirsty after the cake, but what should he do? He couldn't accept anything else from the man, what would he want in exchange? What was he supposed to do…?

"Yes," Light finally mumbled, not knowing what else to do. L smiled encouragingly at him, sending a shiver of fear down the latter's spine. L gathered a teacup from the tray, filled it with tea, and, pausing for a moment, dropped three sugar cubes into it. He passed it to Light, pressing it against his hand. Light took it with only the slightest tremor in his hands.

He sat there, holding the warm cup in his hands, wishing it would disappear, because drinking it would do something…something he didn't know, and didn't want to find out. L startled him once more by taking the cup, and Light's hands, in his own and tipping the cup to Light's lips. He had no choice, again. This was not a request, but a command.

He drank from the cup, keeping his eyes on the four hands in front of his face; the two tanned ones cradling the cup, and the two larger, white ones encasing his own. Once the entire cup was gone, leaving a trail of superficial warmth going down to his stomach, the cup was lowered and taken away.

"…Light-kun has frosting on his cheek." The voice resonated through the workroom, the hairs on Light's arms standing on end. Light's ever-diligent mind quickly came up with what would most likely follow this statement, and balked.

L approached, a napkin in hand, and Light retorted, "No I do not!"

L stopped, gave Light a funny look, and replied evenly, "Yes he does- I see it right there-" He leaned forward to the retreating form of Light, who was pressing himself as far back into the chair as he could.

Light backed his chair up a bit, catching the chain, and as L took another step forward, a napkin in his extended hand, his foot caught on the chain. The detective tripped and fell forward—onto Light.

The propelled force of L caused the chair to fall backwards, spilling the geniuses onto the floor. L lay on top of Light, who was currently twitching madly. L shook his head slightly and, attempting to reorient himself, sat atop the teen, body bent forward and hands placed on either side of Light's head. Light blinked, his theory of pedopohile-L proven beyond a reasonable doubt in his mind.

Light , trapped under L, trembled and whispered, "Please…please don't rape me."

L stilled, his eyes going comically wide. Taking this as an admittance of guilt, Light twisted furiously underneath and detective and wailed, "_No! Pervert! Heeeeelp~!"_

Brought back to motion by his companion's frantic struggle, L looked down at Light in amusement—so that's why the teen had been acting so oddly… His amusement disappeared, however, when he felt an acute pain in his groin accompanied by a shrill, "_Don't smirk at me, you pervert!"_

L rolled off Light and assumed the fetal position. Light, kicked into a panicky state of unreason, jumped up and attempted to dash away from the panda-like man. The chain, of course, foiled this attempt, and Light was jerked painfully back down to the ground, some four feet from the recovering form of L.

Light, seeing L approaching, scrabbled back up and started running again. L also managed to stand and followed the panic-blinded fool out of the workroom and all around the building screaming, "I need an adult!" In a stairwell, Light finally tripped, falling hard onto the concrete.

L stared daggers at the misguided Light, and ground out as he approached the fallen figure, "An eye…for and eye…" He ran forward towards the figure of Light, who was attempting to righten himself.

Light, hearing the familiar phrase, lost it as his mind went into overdrive at what 'retribution' L could devise, and screeched, "NO! DON'T MOLEST MEH!"

L tackled the younger genius. Light screamed bloody murder. Rolling his eyes, L promptly kneed Light in the crotch. The scream abruptly turned into a wheeze, and L rolled off Light, allowing him to assume the fetal position.

L kneeled next to Light, who sobbed frantically, still in the 'I just had my privates assulted' position. "D-don't rape me~!!" Light begged, quite unable to move.

L drew a hand across his face and sighed. "Light-kun, why in the _world _would you think I would ever even think about engaging in illicit activities with an underage male suspect?"

Light cried, "Be-because you—wait, you're not going to rape me?"

L took a moment to calm himself before he hurt the boy attached to him. L fixed Light with am intense stare, and replied, "Oh course not; I have no hormones."

END

A/N: XDDDD Yeah, this drabble was about the many 'L rapes Light' fics. O.e… Ah, that's scary, so I changed mine to be … funny crap. XD Sorry, this was crap that degenerated into uber-crap, but it just sort of wanted to be written, you know? .….' AAAhhhhhhhhh, yeah, L is a sexless being, though some would argue that he's a sexy beast. XDD

Leave meh some nice review, o-tay?


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